The Pleasures of the Damned
by XFireSermonX
Summary: You can't cheat death, and even if you think you have, the universe keeps score and it will get even. But Artemis has never been able to accept the end and when death comes for him this time it is no different. As the ether draws him further away from who he once was he must fight with everything he has to stay whole. He is alive, but at what cost? Only The Reaper knows.
1. What's done is done

_**PLEASE READ, VERY**_** IMPORTANT:**

**A/N: This is basically me taking this series way to seriously. I hated the ending of TLG and, quite frankly, I think it was far removed and emotionless regarding the whole situation. I kind of felt as if Colfer was trying to get it over with, he didn't take his time with anything and it was kind of a disgrace to end such a fantastic series in such a nonchalant way. Thus this story was born. This is my version of the epilogue that never was. It delves into all the emotional aspects, the aftermath and his reawakening into the world of the living. This story will also touch upon his time spent while dead and what that was like for him. It's going to be a paranormal drama with some horror thrown in there for good measure. Expect creepiness and possibly some gore scattered throughout. I will try to keep everyone as in character as possible. **

**ALSO, If you have not read ****_A Necessary Darkness, _****my first fanfiction, then do so before starting this one. This story will explain why he was having those strange dreams and tie up any loose ends regarding that. **

**Last but not least, each chapter will have a soundtrack that will greatly enhance the mood of the piece if you're like me and enjoy that kind of atmosphere. I recommend listening to the music either during or before reading. **

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_What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow_

_out of this stony rubbish? Son of man, you cannot say_

_or guess, for you know only a heap of broken images._

-T.S Eliot

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**Soundtrack**:**_ No Rainbow_** by Deadboy & The Elephantmen.

This is a good version.

watch?v=QN3OBmNKy10

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DISCLAIMER: 

The Artemis Fowl Series belongs to Eoin Colfer. Not me. 

I hereby proclaim that all characters and settings(with the exceptions of my own original ones) in this and all chapters in this story are the intellectual property of Eoin Colfer. Why the hell hasn't anyone else thought of that? Now I don't have to put that shit up every time I post a new chapter.

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**The First Night**

They tell him that this is his home. This large cavernous house, made of cold colorless stone and impossibly high walls. It seems to Artemis that this must be a fortress of some kind, crafted either from the dreams or nightmares of a story teller. From the outside it is gray and unwelcoming, the ancient cracks sprouting unruly vines that reach to twine themselves over some of the smaller windows. Its presence is intimidating and the boy wonders briefly how anyone could stand to live in such a place. It seems to suck the very atmosphere from the surrounding landscape, a beastly castle puncturing the sky with several spires, gleaming and sterile as scalpels. If it had not been for the perfectly manicured hyacinths and rhododendrons lining the steep gravel walkway, the boy could have sworn he was being lead into a home that had been long since abandoned.

Then the great oak doors are pushed open soundlessly and his thoughts cease. His guides lead him through the enormous entryway and into the foyer where he stands beneath a chandelier so massive that it looks as if it could anchor a ship. The sharply cut crystals catch the soft amber lighting and refract it against the dome of the ceiling. As they sway, the light winks and it looks as if the high arch is an upturned bowl filled with fireflies. His eyes fall on the intricate designs inlaid in gold encircling the length of ceiling, and his mouth opens in wonder. He turns slowly in a circle, taking in the small details and warm hues that greatly contrast with the structures outer appearance. Great red curtains cascade from an enormous golden rod situated above the entryway where a window he had not been able to see from outside reveals the morning sky tinged with magenta. Behind him, even grander still, a pristine mirror hangs between the two openings of the double staircase leading up to the second floor. It's ornate frame begins just a few feet below the ceiling and stops barely an inch from the veined marble floor, reflecting back the bright expanse of sky and the sparkling chandelier. Just above the mirror, in golden letters reads: _Aurum Potestas est._ He wonders what language that is and why it looks so familiar. Artemis stops at his own pale reflection, closing his mouth. He is still clad in the long hospital garment, unaffected by its oddness on his thin frame. He looks like a child playing dress up and it is disturbingly appropriate considering the circumstances. He does not excuse himself to dress quickly in an Armani suit or even to drape a robe across his shoulders. His bare feet pad against the cold flooring and he seems surprisingly comfortable with his near nudity. Through the mirror, his eyes scan the three beings standing behind him.

"This is...where I live?" He looks unsure of his question, as if he has no right to even think that such a place could belong to him.

Butler nods curtly. "This is Fowl Manor. You live here with your Mother and Father, your two brothers and myself. Sometimes my sister, Juliet, stays here as well."

"Oh." The syllable is out of place in the youth's mouth.

"Your ancestors have lived here for over five centuries, you've lived here your entire life...you truly don't remember _any_ of this?"

He shakes his head, an odd mix of disbelief and bewilderment falling across his features and Butler thinks that he's never looked so much like a child. "No." His voice is soft and apologetic. For reasons he can't place he wishes he could reassure this vaguely familiar man.

They continue, bypassing the double staircase, they fall upon the kitchen and several dinning rooms where Butler briefly points out certain familiar spaces that the boy had apparently favored. The man seems discouraged when, again, the boy shows no sign of recognition. They finally settle in a living room that is as equally as lavish as the foyer, though a rich maroon carpet replaces the white veined marble. Artemis sits carefully at the very edge of an antique love seat, clasping his hands in his lap. Butler exits to prepare tea, leaving Holly, Foaly and Artemis in silence. Several minutes pass by and Holly, unable to contain herself, moves to sit next to the slight boy, reaching over and enclosing one of his hands in both of hers, hoping to quiet his nervousness. For the past hour she had been almost afraid to touch him, touching him would make him real and she didn't know if she was ready to accept that yet. Looking down at the stark contrast between his pale skin and her rich brown tone, she is startled by how cold his hand is and begins rubbing the back of it in light circular motions to create some warmth.

Foaly, noticing the gesture, chimes in."Your circulation should be back to normal within a week, once your new body becomes more accustomed to movement. For now your extremities are going to remain a bit cold."

He nods but can't seem to break his eyes away from the hands that are holding his own.

Butler returns with a tray of several steaming mugs and distributes the drinks. Holly accepts hers, reluctantly breaking her hold on Artemis' hand to sip at the comically too-large cup. Artemis takes his and relishes the warmth but is put off by the aroma.

"It's earl gray, your favorite. You used to drink this everyday." Butler says, noticing his charge's hesitation.

Artemis takes a tentative sip and brings the mug back down, staring at the bland liquid. "It's very bitter."

"I guess it is a taste that you acquired over time, in fact, you didn't really start to drink it until a couple of years ago." Butler watches as Artemis leans over to place the mug back on its tray.

"I don't think I like it."

There is a long silence, punctuated by the soft ticking of a clock somewhere across the room.

"That's okay, things change." Butler finally says, giving the boy a tentative smile that doesn't look right beneath eyes that glint with some small amount of uncertainty. "We'll...just have to find something else that you like then." He rises quickly and takes the tray and Artemis' mug back to the kitchen.

They lead him through the rest of the first level, stopping only twice this time. The first time, Butler lingers in front of a large oil painting brushed with deep blues and steely grays. Depicted on the canvas is a large expanse of choppy ocean, the shifting waves catching the sun's rays and illuminating the blue-black water with vibrant orange. Atop the waves sits a modern looking ship, gray and intimidating. Across it's hull in red scripted letters reads _The Fowl Star_. It cuts menacingly through the water, shattering the thick ice on its massive hull and leaving a swirl of white froth in its wake. The horizon beyond is aglow with blood orange light that creeps up into the pale sky before fading completely into the gathering clouds. The harsh color offsets the painting, creating an unmistakable sense of foreboding.

"It's beautiful." Artemis reaches up to brush the very corner of the canvas with his fingertips. "Who painted this?" Some how he recognizes the brush strokes, the gently bleeding patterns of swirling light. A familiar warmth fills his chest.

Butler tears his eyes from the painting and looks at his charge with a strange mixture of sadness and pride. "You." He answers softly. "You were very fond of art, you didn't paint very often but when you did..." He trails off, gesturing to the picture before him and smiling faintly. As if the painting can speak of his talents for itself, and it does.

Holly, who was only ever under the impression that Artemis forged paintings in order to steal the original or to con some poor sap into buying what they thought was authentic, is rendered speechless. The painting depicts his father's voyage into Russia, certainly, but it also speaks of the tragedy following and the desperateness of his search. The wide expanse of dark water translates into confusion and grief, the pale sky to hopelessness. Only the fragmented light, made slightly softer by the reflection, breaking over the cresting waves gives some semblance of the hope that he had stretched over those two long years. It is so perfectly simple in its chaotic elegance and Holly finds herself moved. She has never seen an original work of art by Artemis, this new side of him is so far removed from the calculating genius that she has come to know. She wonders what other parts of him he keeps isolated from those around him just to maintain his distance. Is the painting a long thought out project or an impromptu expression of emotion? Did he plan on making the sky so entrancingly forlorn or the dark water so captivating in its depth? Or when he stood before the canvas did he wield only the need to capture in color what he could not in words describe; the storm of overwhelming darkness and burst of violent light swirling inside his chest?

Butler's second stop is in a long corridor where a collage of photographs hang along the length of the wall. There are several pictures of a beautiful woman with chestnut hair and deep brown eyes, she is standing next to a tall man with dark hair and a somber expression. The woman seems wistful, leaning into her husband and smiling brightly. She looks like a teenager in love while the man, though returning the warmth, seems distracted by his thoughts. Beside them, there are several baby pictures in one large sectioned frame, one of two newborns, each dressed in blue one piece's. Next, the newborns transform into toddlers with wide blue eyes and curious expressions, standing beneath the shade of a cherry blossom tree. The final photo is the most recent, they are children now, about four or five. The twin on the right beams openly at the camera, blonde curls falling into his eyes as he clutches a colorfully wrapped gift. The other boy beside him seems more composed, though his excitement leaks through in the form of a shy smile as he kneels before his own gifts. This boy's features are more delicate and drawn, his dark hair is too short to obscure his vision but offsets his startlingly blue eyes. Behind them, a tree's boughs are laden with ornaments and velvet ribbons peaking out between the piles of brightly wrapped boxes. It is Christmas and they look like the happiest children Artemis has ever seen. Etched into the silver frame are two names:

_Beckett & Myles_

There is one photograph of Artemis hanging in a smaller frame. He is wearing a dark suit with a rich, wine colored tie. He stands stiffly with his hands clasped in front of him, his hair swept back neatly from his wide brow. He looks younger but not by much. He wears the barest hint of a smile but it only serves to make him seem more off put by what is obviously a hastily snapped shot. His eyes are wide and placating, trying to at least seem enthusiastic. The over all result is awkward but warm, honest. He looks solitary yet approachable. Artemis stares at himself, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. Is this who they expect him to be? He doesn't know this boy, he doesn't know himself. The enormity of this realization presses in on him.

"You hated having your picture taken." Butler says, chuckling lightly. "Your mother was...well, is, the only person who can get you to stay still long enough for a clear shot. I believe this was taken just before we left for a ceremony in Milan, celebrating the opening of the second opera house built according to your original design."

"Where are they?" Artemis asks curiously, still not comfortable asking questions about these strangers.

"They left last week for London, your father has several contacts there that he hopes will invest in his new business. It was actually your idea, a company dedicated to reformatting machinery of any kind to lighten carbon and pollution emissions. Angeline thought it would be fun to bring the twins along, Myles wanted to see Big Ben up close."

"Do they...know about me?" His voice is small and careful. He is hesitantly reaching out and extracting their fears from the shadows, holding them up to the light. The gaping hole in this impossible theory staring them dead in their faces.

Foaly clops nervously as Butler and Holly exchange worried looks. Artemis' question is the elephant in the room. When the Fowl family left last week, their eldest son was deceased and had been so for six months. And even though he does not remember them he can still sense the innate wrongness of this situation. Like stepping on someone's grave.

This strange and wonderful home filled with warmth has been stricken with death and is now recovering, like spring slowly thawing its way out of the depths of a long and silent winter. They will have just dragged themselves from their dark nests of denial and wandered, blinking into the soft light of some shred of acceptance. And even though it would have taken Angeline years to finally sleep peacefully again and Artemis Sr. just as much time to let go of the urge to drink himself into a stupor every night when he believed his wife to be asleep, Artemis can't help but think that maybe that would be better. Maybe that would be a small price to pay in comparison to this shot-in-the-dark, back-street job resurrection of their son. At least there was mercy in the former. But not here. Not with this. Once they laid eyes on him there was no turning back.

He is aware that what he is essentially doing, is ripping their lives apart all over again. The echos of the strange boy that lived here before him are settled like a fine dust in every corner of this home. This is his family, his memories and his life. What if he can never remember? What if, for the rest of his life, he is nothing but the physical representation of the _idea_ of this boy? The reminder of his absence and the incredibly painful knowledge that they had come so close to having him back? What if he is not Artemis?

And then the truth of the boy's question hits them, heavier than they had expected. The consequences had all seemed so utterly trivial... so minuscule in the face of this one chance to bring him back.

_'Do they...know about me?_'

As in: _Do they have even the slightest idea that when they walk through those doors, their recently deceased son will have seemingly climbed out of his grave to rejoin their family? _

As in: _How will they react when, without warning, the slow healing wound of grief is torn open once again?_

And maybe most importantly:_ Do I have any right to do this to them? _

In their hearts they know every answer, as they are simple matters when taking compassion into consideration and when understanding that nature must carry out her solemn duty. But with Artemis Fowl the lines are always blurred. And all the right answers and all the appropriate objections hang like pendulums in the pit of each of their stomachs. Swaying them towards another answer, another truth, each moment and further away from the denial that they had been suspended in for the past six months.

Holly is the first to put together a coherent sentence, raising up an explanation like an offering meant to appease some foreign deity. Perhaps the God of half baked plans.

"We didn't want to give them a false sense of hope...If you hadn't come back to us..."

Artemis nods, she doesn't need to say it. He knows.

They quickly stow this sense of dread for now, they have another week before they must face his family and there is no sense in second guessing now, what's done is done.

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Okay tell me what you think please. If you're interested in seeing the rest let me know and I'll post chapter two next week.

I hope you guys liked the music, it's supposed to support the melancholy mood of this chapter.

Feed the box!


	2. The Ghost of a Ghost

**A/N: I wanted to get this out last night but then life happened. But here it is. **

**Thank you to Necromancer93, Alchemechanist, Eldewind Dolly and the guest who left me some amazing reviews. =]**

**I'm really glad your enjoying the story so far. I also just wanted to let you know that it's going to be a story that slowly builds momentum so the horror/supernatural part is on its way. But I wanted to explore in depth, what his homecoming would be like. **

**The soundtrack to this chapter will be: Ghost Movement by Dax Riggs**

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_**"Only times and places, only names and ghosts." **_

_**― Aldous Huxley**_

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He does not remember anything. Not until late that night after Foaly departs, leaving Holly and Butler to settle Artemis back into his home, does the boy stop dead in his tracks. Right as they wander past the stairs leading to the attic door. Butler and Holly slow at the sight of him as he raises a thin pale arm to point at the large oak doors.

"What...what happened there?" His eyes are narrowed as he racks his brain, searching for the answer that is hiding within himself yet he cannot reach.

Butler is the first to recover, stepping forward to place a hand on the boy's thin shoulder. "Why don't we visit your room first, Artemis? We'll come back here later, once you've seen a bit more."

The boy shakes him off gently, not really understanding why but sensing that he dislikes the contact. "No.." He breathes and lurches forward, almost as if he is not in control of his body. His hand meets the cold wood and his breath catches. "I know this door." He says, his eyes wide, exhilarated by the memories drifting upward in his mind like bubbles breaking the surface of a pond. Before anyone can stop him he turns the brass handles and pushes. The doors swing open soundlessly and the musky sent of dust drifts into the hall. He stands very still, his hand still out stretched, touching the darkness where the light from the hall cannot reach.

Holly shifts nervously and clears her throat. "Artemis, this isn't a good idea. We'll talk about this room later."

Artemis speaks to her but does not leave the doorway. "But I'm remembering something...I thought that was what you wanted?" He looks back at her, unsure yet fascinated.

Butler and Holly share a concerned glance. "It is...but maybe this isn't the best thing to be remembering first." Holly continues, carefully navigating her way around the topic. She knows better than to be overly cautious lest she pique his interest.

"Something unpleasant happened here then." His expression sobers as he turns to them, one hand tracing the delicate carvings of hyacinths etched into the dark wooden frame.

Their heavy silence answers him and he nods. "Very well." Leaning into the room but not entering, he reaches for the handles and closes the doors with a soft click. "Another time then. Where to next?"

Looking relieved, Holly gestures for him to follow her. "Your room is this way, just up these stairs."

Artemis rolls his eyes. "More stairs?"

Butler can't help but chuckle at this. Some things not even death can change. His dislike for physical activity of any sort is well intact. The familiarity of this is enough to quiet the fears niggling at the back of Butler's mind and he makes his way to take up his usual position directly behind his charge.

_Just wait._ He tells himself. _Give him some time. _

Artemis slows his pace when he senses Butler's presence behind him. He turns a bit as he walks and gives him a questioning glance. After a few more feet he steps to the side and falls back, Butler takes the hint and moves past him, behind Holly who is leading there little tour group.

_Okay, maybe that was too fast. One step at a time. _

As Artemis grows more comfortable with his surroundings, his natural curiosity surfaces. He takes slow deliberate steps, stopping every so often to ask a question or point to something he finds interesting. He is like a child, almost giddy as they pass another marvelous painting, a collection of Aztec pottery, a mount displaying small statuettes carved from various precious stones.

Finally, they reach his room. Holly shuffles him quickly past his lab to save themselves four hours of ceaseless questions. As elated as she is to see him alive and relatively well, his curiosity is unending and she, quite frankly, doesn't have the patience for it. Grabbing his forearm she pulls him through the doorway and into his room.

The boy stops in the center of the room. It's huge. At one end lies a massive bed, four pillars of shinning black oak support a canopy of deep red curtain, gathered beautifully at each post with a black tassel. The head board curves gracefully in an intricate design of hand carved arches and spirals, reminiscent of thick curling vines that are offset nicely above the red silk duvet. It is perfectly made and devoid of a single wrinkle. In fact, the whole room is spotless, lacking any unnecessary clutter.

In contrast with the bed, the hard wood floors are a vibrant mahogany, reflecting back the stark white ceiling in rich red tones. A desk constructed of the same black oak as his bed is pushed against the opposite wall, beside a low window. The rest of the room is covered in shelves upon shelves of books. The manor had its own separate library but Artemis preferred to keep his favorite books close at hand. Any space that is not covered by books is filled with various paintings and art pieces that are obviously dear to him.

Despite the sheer amount of objects, the room still manages to seem very large and uncluttered. Everything is in perfect order and arranged tastefully. There is even a skylight directly in the center of the room, beneath it stands a powerful and compact telescope of Artemis' own design tilting towards the night sky. Nothing has been touched in his absence. It has been cleaned but nothing is out of place. He doesn't know from memory, obviously. But he can tell from the lack of dust, the single book open on the night stand, the laptop that no one had brought themselves to turn off despite its owners death nearly six months ago. Someone hadn't been able to let him go just yet.

No one has spoken to him about how or why he had died yet, and he waits patiently for that lovely conversation to occur. He may be missing about fifteen years worth of memories but he is still a genius and by some stroke of luck he has managed to retain basic knowledge about the physical world. All the facts, concepts, he finds that the vast knowledge he feels within himself slowly blossoms with each minute if he simply allows it to do so. It is effortless yet somehow utterly frustrating. Its like searching for a pair of sunglasses when they are on your head. Or when you know what you want to say but can't find _that_ specific word. It's maddening but when you finally remember, when you find the word, its sort of funny that it had seemed so monumental and now look, here it is. It comes back to him in the quiet moments, for the simplest of reasons. All of the sudden it's there and it's right.

But memories, anything relating to his personal past is so distorted and obscured. He doesn't remember being dead, or a '_free floating ectoplasmic ethereal organism'_, as Foaly had pointed out. But he is somehow _aware_ of his own absence in the physical plane of existence. He senses it, the way you sense an approaching storm. As soon as he had woken up in the bed of roses, he felt something like a shifting of energy. Something heavy yet untouchable had been present. Now it is like a small voice, an anxiety gnawing at the pit of his stomach. He feels out of place. Like he belongs here but is not _wanted. _Though, wanted by what or by who, he can not tell. Something bigger than himself.

He approaches the telescope, eyes glistening. Holly and Butler watch on silently, willing him to find something, _anything_ he remembers. Its only been a day but they are eager, the past six months have been filled with a strangled anticipation and this set back is something they desperately want to put behind them.

He touches the cold metal lightly and mumbles something under his breath. Suddenly his eyes light up with recognition and he raises the stand and kneels. He adjusts the focus, turning the knobs expertly. Holly beams and looks to Butler, who places a finger to his lips in a gesture for her to remain silent but wears an equally exuberant smile. Artemis peers through the telescope, the expanse of sky disassembling from the illusion of unified darkness and into its vast collection of solitary stars and galaxies. The taking apart of something complex and seemingly infinite comes naturally to him and he is temporarily lost in the magnitude of this sudden understanding.

It doesn't take him long to find what it was that the telescope had been trained on and when he does the name ripples through his mind like the low thrumming resonance of a gong. He sits back, his eyes are electric. He turns to his friends for the first time since entering the room.

"I know these stars. I know this constellation." He says, breathlessly as if he couldn't believe his own words. He smiles the way only someone who is in love can smile. He laughs excitedly, a familiar warmth spreading through his body. For the first time since his resurrection, he feels at home. Butler is reminded briefly of a five year old Artemis, collecting rocks from the garden and spending hours breaking them open to find just one containing precious stone.

_There. Right there. That's him. _Butler fights to control the relief welling up at the sight of Artemis, _his Artemis._ He takes a deep breath and nods.

"It's Orion!" He almost shouts, his excitement at finding the right word, at remembering, fills his being. "The telescope was left trained on Orion."

He looks to his friends, Butler leaning against the door frame and Holly sitting cross legged on the floor. He meets each of their eyes but stops when Holly rises from her place, her expression crumbling in on itself. She tries to stop herself by giving him a half smile but she trembles just slightly and her pointed ears seem almost to wilt.

Artemis tilts his head, his excitement waning at the sight of her. "What's the matter?"

He looks to Butler, confused as to why they are not joining him in his elation. Suddenly a realization dawns on him, his eyes dulling at the thought.

"This is also an unpleasant memory, isn't it?"

Butler settles his expression in order not to worry the boy. It wasn't fair that every time he remembered something that they didn't feel he was ready to deal with, they put a damper on his progress. Artemis had never been a sheltered child and it would do him no good to treat him delicately. If he were himself he'd be furious. Butler makes a mental note to talk to Holly about this later tonight when Artemis is asleep.

"I guess you could say that, it really depends on how you look at it. But it is something that we will have to wait to talk about, after your memories have resurfaced completely." Butler's words are honest but calming and Artemis seems satisfied enough with this answer, sensing nothing to be wary about.

Holly has a harder time controlling her emotions and after a few minutes she brushes past Butler and into the hallway, departing with a quick; "I'll just give you guys some time."

Artemis stares at the place where Holly had been standing, his face falling. Butler can't believe how genuine he is and wipes a hand across his face. He settles into a chair beside the bed with a sigh and gestures for Artemis to come sit down beside him.

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Holly follows the maze of corridors back across the manor, searching for the door that leads out into the garden. After fifteen minutes of searching she spots a sliding glass door opening onto a stone balcony and breaks into a jog. Throwing the door open a little too violently she activates her wings and launches herself into the night air. She hovers above the rows and walkways of just about every type of plant, fruit and flower that the Irish soil would permit, which happens to be almost everything. The sight calms her enough that when she descends lightly to the earth she is no longer shaking.

She walks slowly down the path before her, reaching a hand out to touch the yielding stalks of sunflowers. She hadn't meant to ruin that moment for Artemis, she really hadn't. She should have just let him be happy, it could be absolutely nothing.

_It's just...why?! Why was the telescope trained on Orion? Please, just please let this be a coincidence. An accident. Anything else. _

She leans into the sighing branches of a willow tree and cradles her head. It could be absolutely nothing, it could have been some sort of project or maybe he had just been curious. Hell, maybe he checks to make sure all the constellations are there every night before he goes to bed. Gods only knew what he felt it necessary to do in his free time, and she probably wouldn't understand even if he remembered why he did it. But Holly's intuition is screaming at her, just as it had been the day he emerged from Dr. Argon's office with his stupid smug face. Something was just...off about him, and Artemis Fowl was never 'off' in any sense of the word. But she had not gotten the chance to sit down with him face to face and be the friend she knew he needed and there was just no point in trying to talk to him seriously over the communicator. At least not about that.

_Gods! I can't even be mad at him because he doesn't remember anything! The minute he recalls anything about the complex I am going to interrogate him and if I find out that he lied to get out of therapy he is going to NEED Butler. _

She sits on the soft ground, taking a deep breath she watches the silver light from the stars weave between the vine-like branches of the willow and feels vaguely as if she's underwater. They are so close to getting him back and now this is happening. Nothing is ever easy with him. Nothing is ever an accident either. Accepting this, she bows her head and begins to do something she hasn't done since the day she stood next to her mother's death bed, nearly forty years ago.

She prays.

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"So...my name is Artemis Fowl?" The boy sits on the edge of his vast bed, wrinkling the dark red duvet without notice.

"The second." Butler nods, speaking in his gravely base. The boy has asked this question already, twice. It's most unlike him. But then again, _he_ is most unlike him in general right now so Butler patiently explains this concept once again.

"Oh. What a strange title."

"What did you think your name was?"

"I never really thought about it before."

"Well, you did have one, before you...passed. It's actually quite a renowned name, especially here in Ireland."

"Why?" The question is simple but Butler finds difficulty in answering.

"There are many reasons. First and foremost you are known for your intellect, you have the highest tested I.Q in Europe. You have won numerous awards in the realm of music, science and art."

"But that's not the only reason, is it?"

"I see you haven't lost your ability to see right through just about anything." He smirks halfheartedly.

Artemis shrugs. "I just know."

"Yes. You always do." He takes a moment to look at Artemis. His dark hair is lustrous and full without the weight of gel slicking it back from his forehead. He allows it to fall across his eyes and every so often runs his pale fingers through it, pushing it back. His eyes, now both blue, are just as startling as ever. They _look _new, they are a bit lighter, like the eyes of a newborn. His complexion is smooth and pale, all angles and high cheek bones. The sharp contrast of color makes him look almost exotic. His thinness, once causing him to look gangly and awkward, has evened out in a way that still retains some boyishness, though his transition into manhood is quite obvious. He is several inches taller, his chin is more defined and his shoulders are wider, giving him a less skeletal look. His body now almost matches what his biological age _should _have been if he had not spent three years in limbo.

_He actually looks eighteen._ Butler, who had given up all hope in the 'don't get attached to the principle' department, felt a rush of paternal emotion and pride.

_He's grown into a young man._

He can't decide if he should be happy or not. Yes, his body matched his birth certificate now, but he was still only fifteen in reality. At least it would be easier for him, transitioning into his new age actually looking the part, but it remained a double edged sword. When he had passed away he was in the middle of adjusting to puberty and now all of the sudden its nearly over. Artemis always seemed to get the shit end of the stick when it came to his adolescence. The bodyguard hoped that that little detail wouldn't make it even more difficult for the odd boy to fit in. And he couldn't say he wasn't at least a bit worried about his future love life.

_But then again, he is becoming quite handsome. Maybe that won't be such a problem after all. _

Artemis notices the small smile breaking across the mans face and cocks his head. "What?" he asks, an amused expression taking over his solemn air.

"Nothing, it's just...you've changed so much." Butler knew better than to leave his answer as a simple 'nothing' as he would have liked to. Artemis disliked being kept out of the loop, especially regarding those he considered his family, and would hound him with unceasing questions until he told him what he had been thinking. Even if it was something as trivial as this.

"I wouldn't know." He laughs lightly.

"No, I guess not."

Artemis looks down at his hands, his eyebrows draw in and he bites his lip for the briefest of seconds, it is just a flicker, like watching someone across a crowded room through a strobe light. But Butler had learned to read the boy for signs of stress ever since the Atlantis Complex had addled his mind not so long ago and he caught the slight break in his composure. He decides not to say anything now, there isn't really much he can do until he starts remembering things. And he doesn't want to make him feel as if he is being analyzed constantly, that would only prove to shut him down further.

A moment passes and Artemis turns the full weight of his gaze to the gargantuan stranger sitting across from him. "So, what did I do?"

"Where do I even start?" Butler chuckles and it feels good to laugh about something. All this foreboding atmosphere is not doing anything for his chi, which in turn would do nothing for Artemis. So he resolves to lighten things up as much as he can without minimizing the situation.

So he begins running through the list of various criminal activities the boy had orchestrated in his short life. He tells the story of how Artemis had first entered the world of crime, designing a computer program that siphoned small amounts of wealth from various companies and stocks, transferring it directly into the Fowl family bank account, leaving absolutely no trace. He tells Artemis about the time he had rigged the presidential elections in the United States when he was eight and how it had meant to be a jab at the new 'infallible' system of voting they were incorporating, discreetly recounted and then corrected, but never was. He tells him about the Lemur he had sold to the Extinctionists and about the F_airy Thief_ in Munich. It's odd, reminiscing with the same boy he'd worked along side but getting nothing but intrigued nods in response. As strange as it is, he manages to make the boy laugh a few times. Butler even gloats about some of the things Artemis had done, as if the boy before him were a random passerby, his eyes lighting up at the recall of certain brilliantly executed plans. Though, he does steer clear of his fairy related escapades, preferring that Holly be present to explain those to him when the time is right.

Artemis cut in, interrupting Butler as he recalls a mission in Italy regarding what should have been an authentic Rembrandt work that the boy had painted himself and sold at an underground Auction.

"You really love him, don't you." It wasn't a question.

Butler doesn't really know how to respond. First of all, he doesn't like the fact that Artemis is referring to himself in the third person. That is never a good sign and he would have to speak to him about that very soon. But beyond that, he has never really said something so sentimental out loud to the very boy in question before. Artemis had been his closest companion and Butler liked to think that Artemis looked up to him as a sort of older brother. There was an unspoken bond, a trust, between them. They had belonged to each other, in the grandest sense, since the moment Butler was handed the tiny baby, so unnaturally quiet, his large blue eyes like search lights. They were from completely different worlds and somehow...they had forged something unbreakable. Something deep and extremely rare.

Artemis was not the type for displaying affection of any sort, be it physical or emotional. He was logical and calculating, yes. But he was still a human being, as easy as it was to forget that sometimes. He had shown Butler his gratitude for his companionship in less obvious manners, knowing that Butler would understand. And he did. For the majority of his life, Butler was the only person that had ever come close to understanding Artemis. The genius spoke to him about his life, his personal thoughts. Artemis listened intently to the advice and wisdom that his bodyguard had taken upon himself to provide the boy with from the moment he had begun to speak. Artemis respected him greatly and held him in an infinitely higher esteem than the other people in his life that he dismissed due to their lack of intelligence. Artemis came to Butler for help, for solace, he let his guard down around his life long friend in a way that he would not with any other living being. They had come such a long way in the past few years. Butler had never _just _been an employee, but before Artemis' absence their friendship had developed to the point where it was almost normal. They spent time together because they enjoyed each others company, not because Artemis was planning a heist or because they were on the brink of death. And it was with a jolt of sadness that Butler realized that the boy before him knows nothing of their life together, and the possibility that he has lost that connection brings him to a heavy grating silence, burdened with an uncomfortable air that has never been present between them.

He had always known Artemis would return. Always. But he never fathomed that he could lose the boy in this way. This is far crueler. Something inside of him wretches with a hurt more vicious than the moment the boy had landed in his arms. The moment that he had known. The long and silent trek back towards the manor, the meaning of his existence for the last fifteen years, lying still and cold in his arms. He had gotten through all of it, sane, because he knew that when Artemis came back, and he _would_, that he would quiet his grief with his impossible presence. Larger and more fantastic than anything he had ever dared to dream. Living proof of the extraordinary in the flesh. He was a brilliant and pristine wrecking ball of a human being with the gift to make you believe in him without question, in his destruction and in his ruthlessness because you wanted to believe in him. Because there was something _there_, beneath the surface. It's something no one ever told you that you could possibly ever dream of obtaining and he held it right in his hand. And with that level stare he'd hold it out to you, just so he wouldn't be alone in eternity. An energy so far removed from the life that you had been led to believe was all you could ever have. And then you can't live without him. Now that you know these walls are nothing but words and illusion. Smoke and mirrors. He is more reliable than any God you care to pray to, astounding and infallible. Spouting fairy tales with a degree of logic that renders them irrefutable.

And Butler had been waiting. Waiting for the moment when he would waltz right back into all of their lives and he would be _real_ and say that death was nothing. '_It was a puzzle and I solved it. I didn't even have to try. Old friend, you wouldn't believe how simple it was! It was the lost, unfinished eleventh symphony of Beethoven and now the heavens have a brand new war song of triumph to blast high above the mountains at world's end. They will play my song as the world dies to a last glinting ember and wisp of smoke. I am invincible. I met God and we had tea and he told me that the Holocaust was nothing, wait until you see what happens to all the baby seals and I told him his caviar was second rate.' _And then the boy would lean toward Butler with that oh so dangerous flash of light across his eyes, like a cat that's trapped a bird and has no intention of killing it just yet, and he'd pull a lightning bold from his pocket and whisper; '_I wonder how long it will take Zeus to notice. Oh! And also,_ _while I was up there I took it upon myself to tinker with the collective subconscious of the human race and I made a few improvements. I'm sure you'll find yourself running a great deal more efficiently now, eh old friend? I put in a good word up there for you, although you may have to prove your brute force against_ _Adonis. I wouldn't bet on the other guy.' _

Butler leaned forward in his seat, some dark electric energy deepening his cobalt gaze. And with all the unshakable faith he could dredge from himself, because if this was Artemis then he _had_ to believe this or goddamn it he was going to make him (and if he was not, then this boy had better go back and tell him.) He said;

"Fiercely."

And the boy on the bed did not question him. He believed. He already knew. He always had.


	3. When Death Sleeps

**A/N: This is the chapter where all the loose ends are tied up from my last fic "A Necessary Darkness". If you haven't read that yet I suggest you do so just so it makes more sense, though it's not entirely necessary. Also, to anyone who thought this was going to eventually be A/H...you shall be disappointed and I'm not sorry. I respect A/H stories and some of them are really good but I just never found it realistic that they would actually factually be together, I know, I know...blasphemy right? I just don't like A/H, its everywhere and ugh just no. Make it stop. **

**That doesn't mean that Arty and Holly don't get closer in this story though, so there is plenty of important interaction and feelings and blah between them so read on, but no romance. still not sorry. **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed or favorited this story! You guys rock!**

**Also, This is a LONG freakin chapter, 8000 words. There was no way I could cut it in half though because it wouldn't make any sense that way. so here ya go. ya lucky ducks. **

_******The soundtrack to this chapter will be: Tourniquet by Evanescence. An old favorite.**_

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"That corpse you planted last year in your garden,

has it begun to sprout? Will it bloom this year?

Or has the sudden frost disturbed its bed?"

-T.S Eliot

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_Something moves in the darkness, something patient yet threatening weaves its way soundlessly through the shadows. It skips gracefully around any patches of moonlight that tumble in through the window, so he can never get a good look at it. Logic tells him it's stalking, it's a predator though he sees no claws, no dangerous flashing eyes. It has no shape but it is darker than the blackness that it dwells in. It crawls, along the walls and ceiling, always getting closer. Fear grips him, the kind of fear that stills logic and he knows that it wants to get inside him. It wants to devour him from the inside out. This game of sudden appearance and swift receding is all a tactic. He's being hunted._

_He trembles, he can't see it anywhere now. He whirls around in a terrified circle, eyes darting frantically, his dilated pupils, starved for light, grow larger as they try to capture any movement that will help him discern where the danger has gone. _

_Then, a small sound like a sigh, directly above him._

_He throws his head back with enough force to snap his neck, his breath grating in his lungs, it's staring down at him. He was wrong, it does have eyes. They are an eery white, pupil-less and seemingly blind, large and bulbous like boiled eggs. He falls to the floor in a vain attempt to put some distance between himself and..._it_. He is paralyzed, he doesn't dare shift his gaze for fear that it will sink back into the shadows and the thought alone is beyond horrific. Even though the sight grates against his nerves and sends waves of raw panic spiraling through his body, at least for now, he knows where it is._

_It's eyes are horrible, bearing down on him with an almost physical force. Fear squeezes the breath from his lungs. It knows. Something like a smile spreads from beneath it's spider egg eyes, a mouth that Artemis didn't know it had yawns open like a bubble in a tar pit, slowly stretching wider and wider. It's mouth is huge, its teeth are vicious. They are wickedly sharp, pointed and nasty, they hook and curl in every direction and little spikes dot along their length. They aren't serrated for a clean cut, they are built to rip flesh apart. _

_Artemis shuffles backwards in an attempt to escape, never taking his eyes off his predator. It's gaze follows him to the door, he reaches behind his head for the handle, turning it violently with no results. The creature is calm, almost mockingly so. Suddenly its smile broadens. Something drips from its open mouth, landing and splattering in small black droplets on Artemis' arm. The liquid is searingly cold to the point of burning, it almost seems to be ink until it solidifies, an exoskeleton forming rigidly from the substance. The droplets transform into spiders before his eyes and in panic he thrashes. More droplets. They crawl up his body, towards his face. _

They want to get into my ears! _He realizes. He clamps his hands over his ears and curls in on himself. He raises wide terror stricken eyes to the creature above him and realizes that its no longer shapeless. It too is a spider, twice the length of his own body, thick and muscular. It's crouched in a striking position, its bulbous eyes multiplied to a hundred glowing white orbs spreading across its face, above its dripping mandible. It is covered in oily, thick black hairs that sway as it cocks its enormous head. It emits a high pitched shaking whine, like there are a thousand more spiders inside its head chittering with it. The sound is so far from anything Artemis has ever heard, so inhuman that in terror he rakes his fingernails down the sides of his face._

How does it know?

_He wants so badly to scream, to cry out. He wants to say the word that shatters darkness, the only word that death fears. But he can't remember! He rocks back and forth, spiders in his hair, shaking violently. Safe, safe, what word means safe? No...not a word, a name. He knows it, a name so close to his heart, so full of strength and courage that the force of remembering sends him rocking back on his heals. How could he have forgotten? _

Domovoi!

_He almost laughs. Of course! Tears prick his eyes at the sheer relief of this memory and he prepares to speak out loud but something is wrong. His hands fly to his mouth and nothing is there. Confused, he runs his hands over his face, searching for his lips, nothing is there but smooth skin where his mouth should be. Tears stream down his face, he was so close to banishing the darkness. He just wants to say the name, even if it won't do anything, just for himself to hear. _

Domovoi.

His eyes fly open, some one is shaking him. There is an older man above him whose face is creased with age and worry and incredible kindness. He resists the urge to push the hands away, preferring not to be touched but there is something special about this man, something comforting, so Artemis doesn't stop him. Instead he allows the man to gather him in his arms, surrounding him in a strong embrace. He's on his bed, he had been dreaming. He expects to be sweating but he's not, he just shivers under the duvet.

The man is speaking frantically, he's saying something important, Artemis looks up to try to catch the words.

"Do you remember?" He asks with a gently shaking voice, a sound that Artemis somehow knows is rare coming from this man. "You were saying my name in your sleep." He looks hopeful, tears welling up in his dark blue eyes.

Something in the boy he can't identify jolts at the sight. He leans forward, cupping the older mans face in his hands. He's been here for nearly five days with these kind strangers, listening to their stories, telling him who he is and trying gently to coax memories from him. Now something is familiar, he brushes the lines around the man's eyes lightly with his fingers. Something in those eyes makes him feel...accepted, as if he could do no wrong.

_Where you go, I go._

The boy's eyes widen, he rears back. Scenes flash behind his eyes, he holds his head as the memories surface. They swell up in his mind like waves upon waves breaking over dried beach, violent yet necessary. They are painful and confusing at first but once they settle he realizes that they feel comfortable, right in his brain. He sees Butler carrying his four year old self through the rain, Butler, tucking him into bed at night. He remembers speaking with him over dinner, the two of them alone at a huge oak table, sitting side by side. Butler, always listening to him, always interested, concerned. He sees Butler packed in ice, remembers what it felt like to lose him and then re experiences the joy in having him back. Tears stream from his bright blue eyes, he rocks back and sobs.

Another memory erupts, he's alone in a huge house, the doors to his mother's room in the attic loom over head, ominous and frightening. He feels sick, he's much younger. Maybe ten. She hadn't known him...his mother hadn't known who he was and had pushed him out of her room so violently that he had tumbled down the steps. Butler was at his side in moments, picking him up and brushing him off...regarding him with the only eyes that had ever seen him, who he really was, and had somehow never seen him as a monster.

_How could I have ever forgotten?_

"Yes." He manages to whisper through the sobs racking his thin frame. "I remember, I remember everything...Domovoi." He leans forward and in a rare show of vulnerability, wraps his arms around his friend.

They stay like that for a long time. Butler doesn't let go until Artemis decides to lay back against his bed, tired from the display of emotion, from the act of remembering. There is a silent energy that is suspended between them, their eyes lock and the connection is strong, perhaps even more so than ever before. A small shape enters the room and stops mid step, she drops the tray of food upon seeing them, recognizing the intimacy of the moment, instantly she knows. She looks to Artemis, her eyes glistening.

"Artemis?" She breathes. She says the name so softly, as if the wrong inflection could break it. And then again, with more desperation, like a prayer.

"Holly." The boy nods, unsure of what else he could possibly say.

She covers her mouth with her hands, trembling. He's never seen her look so young. He opens his arms and she rushes into them, sobbing and saying his name over and over like a mantra. And then the three of them are silent, the air heavy with the weight of their collective gratitude.

Bit by bit Artemis returns to them, to himself. They know that his new found recognition of his dearest friends is only scratching the surface. He has almost sixteen years worth of memories to recall and then sort through.

In many ways he is the Artemis of old, brilliant and confident, completely determined. But being without certain experiences renders him vulnerable, he is a violent whirl wind of emotion. He runs through the house at all hours of the day and night, eyes wide with elation, he collects items he remembers have a special meaning, as if they might disappear if he does not claim them.

In sudden fits of agony he locks himself in his room and screams long strings of half nonsense at no one, at the silence. Butler has to break the door to get inside just to hold a flailing Artemis down long enough to stop him from bashing himself into the walls. When its over and the boy is too exhausted to keep screaming he lays in Butlers arms, his friend brushes his hair away from his face, growing concerned at his now hollow gaze into nothing. In the silence the body guard can't help but notice what it was his charge had been saying...his heart dropping as he recalls the words. Through choked sobs he was saying something about a ship, the silence, an attic. About the creatures in the darkness.

He tries not to think about the way these occurrences remind him so much of Angeline's illness, all those years ago.

The first two weeks are the most bizarre. At first when Artemis didn't remember them or anything at all, everything was quiet, filled with a hesitant hope. More hope than anyone had felt in six long months. It was surreal, it was all a waking dream. Butler spent every moment at his bedside, afraid that he would once again disappear if he didn't keep him in his line of sight. The body guard only slept when Holly had insisted that he do so under threat of blasting him with her neutrino. He reluctantly agreed as long as he could sleep in Artemis' room, the boy was a bit perturbed when the giant lugged an over sized cot into the room and promptly fell asleep against the opposite wall.

Holly had taken that time to speak to Artemis, trying, as they all had, to get him to remember his life. Holly still found looking at him rather painful. When he had been just a clone, a shell suspended in nutrient rich nano gel, she had visited him frequently. She would sit in front of his chrysalis after work everyday, just as she had done with Nopal, and stare at his serene features. He had looked so much like a child, so helpless and innocent. So much so that Holly had almost questioned the validity of cloning, had they truly rebuilt Artemis or just an Artemis look-alike who would share his body and nothing more? What if this clone was some one else entirely? What right did they have to make this sort of choice?

And that's when she would remember his eyes, as he gently laid her down and made her comfortable so that he could take her place. So he could sacrifice himself. She remembered the warmth there, so obvious at that moment beneath the layers of ice blue, as if it had always been right there but she had failed to see it, pulsed an electric heat of understanding and acceptance. There was real fear there too, and love and sadness and Holly had never seen him look so...real. There had been a fragility in his presence that night, a willingness to let her see into him for the first time and not be deceived. He didn't create someone he thought she wanted to see or project some feeling that would throw her off his mental scent, he just was. And in that silent act of love and trust there had been a tremendous strength.

In the months following his death she thought she had seen who he might have been in those last moments, if the circumstances in his life had been different. But then she realized that was not who he would have been, that was who he was. Who he had become. Underneath everything, the layers of deception, the facade of strength and logic, they had all been so impossibly intricate and carefully constructed to keep that part of him safe, alive. To keep his spark of decency from fading to ash. For all his genius and astonishing ventures, it was much easier for him to build himself into some sort of super human than it was to nurture his sense of true self. In a twisted sort of way it made sense. He had been both gifted and cursed with intelligence, with sight...would it have been fair for him to have to also carry the burden of emotion that accompanies great understanding without a shield of armor?

_I was a broken boy. And you fixed me. _

And then she forgave him, all at once. Any remaining anger or resentment was washed away and looking into his face became impossible because he was just a little boy and he was dead and no one had ever truly understood him. Not really. And she cried for him, standing there, great heaving sobs that she hadn't felt since her mother's death shook her frame and she collapsed to her knees. She cried for the young man who had given his life and for the child he had never been...and for the friend that he had become. Bathed in the blue light of the chrysalis she leaned her head against the glass as her sobs ebbed to silent shaking.

A soft thud from the other side pulled her from her grief. Startled, she blinked up through her tears at the clone. His sleepy eyes were cracked open just enough for a sliver of pale blue to escape, reminding Holly briefly of the eyes of a new born. Then he moved, laboriously but with great intent and lifted a slim hand to meet the glass and pushed until his fingertips turned white. For a moment Holly was confused, the sight of her friend trapped in a glass case hooked up to various wires and tubes, slapping at the glass for escape filled her mind with panic and she almost called for out for Foaly. But then she realized.

He _felt _me.

She sat back on her knees and mirrored his actions. She brought her hand to the glass and tapped five times. A moment passed and something unidentifiable built up inside her chest. And then he copied her, a great deal slower but unmistakably intentional, five light taps. She trembled and let out a shaky breath she hadn't realized she was holding. She started again, this time a rhythm, something simple but if he could do it then this was more than just reaction, it would mean that some part of him was _aware_.

She could almost feel his hand on her shoulder, hear his softly clipped voice.

_See that? Intelligence. _

She tapped three times in quick succession, then paused for one count, then two rapid taps, another pause for one count, three rapid taps, one count pause and then one last staccato on the glass. Thirty seconds passed and she thought it had been too much to hope for, a part of her mentally berated herself for even considering something like this. This is what Trouble had been saying just the other day, she needed to stop being so masochistic, always pushing her own emotional envelope. And then he mimicked her, tapping out the rhythm perfectly. When he was done his fingertips twitched almost as if in anticipation, his eyes moved behind his lids. Holly's eyes grew wide and she laughed, breathy and high as if she were unsure of the sound she wanted to make. She was flushed with relief and a giddy excitement was roiling around her insides. In a small way, she was talking to Artemis.

And after all those months of waiting, sitting in front of him now felt odd. Seeing his bright blue eyes wandering, exceptionally cognizant and analyzing. Hearing his almost musical voice, cherishing the privilege of holding his hand or brushing the hair from his face. She had never seen him this way before, he had always been the annoying mud boy who started fights he couldn't finish and needed her to swoop in and save him, or the liar or the thief. He couldn't keep himself out of trouble if he were living in a monastery. He had only truly become her friend after he had regained his memories following their near death experience with trolls.

"Bonded by Trauma" he had called it. But she knew that their was a part of him that had known, all along. That's why he had lied to make her feel as if he had regained his memories right before they were about to be ripped to shreds, so she would feel she had a friend. The boy who had kidnapped her would never have done that, even with his memories erased he had retained a small part of himself that could connect with others, that could care.

But now he wasn't just a mud boy...or even just her friend. There was something deeper there. They shared a sort of love for one another, they loved each other in a way that only _they _could understand. It only made sense for what they had been through together. It wasn't a sibling sort of love but it wasn't romantic either. But it ran deep and it was unshakable. Looking at him now she knew, he would be a part of her for the rest of their lives. Fate had forged them together and now nothing felt right without him.

Artemis' soft voice severed her thoughts.

"Holly, who is that rather tall gentleman? A business partner Father has procured in my absence?"

Confused, Holly raised an eyebrow at the youth, not so much at the question but at the fact that his speech was slowly returning to its overly complicated and truthfully maddening (where Holly was concerned), if not sophisticated, state.

"It's probably just one of your thousands of staff members." The elf made an exaggerated gesture towards the high vaulted ceiling of Artemis' bedroom, one that suggested she found his life style a bit over indulgent. Artemis decided not to take offense. "Maybe Angeline hired a new gardener?"

Now it was Artemis' turn to raise an eyebrow, if only marginally. "A gardener wearing a vintage 1960's, undeniably _American,_ designer suit? I think not."

Holly waved Artemis' sarcasm aside, secretly relieved at its familiarity. "I have no clue who your talking about, mind being a little more specific? I must have seen about two dozen of your father's business partners since your parents returned and honestly, they are all starting to look the same."

Artemis tilted his head skeptically. "You didn't notice him in the door way not even three minutes ago? Come now Holly, I thought you were a soldier. Aren't you supposed to have some sort of exceptional awareness and what not?"

Holly shot him a recriminating glance. "And I thought you were supposed to be a genius, shouldn't you be able to deduce an astonishing amount of information on this man from oh, I don't know, the kind of shoes he's wearing?"

Artemis did not appreciate the jibe. "I'm a genius Holly, not a magician or...Doctor House. Though shoes do say a lot about a person they aren't exactly going to tell my why he's in the Manor."

Holly rolled her eyes at this unnecessary explanation. "I see you haven't lost your ability to take everything way too seriously."

Artemis gave her a sad smile at this and looked away. Holly took his hand.

"Artemis, why don't we talk more about your life? Now that you remember who we are, has anything else surfaced?" Holly said this tentatively, steering the conversation back to something constructive.

Artemis shrugged, obviously a little embarrassed at what he deemed an ineptitude at triggering recall. "I'm slowly uncovering small memories, bits and pieces of my past but nothing really important." He leaned back against his head board, closing his eyes. "It's like living inside a kaleidoscope, I have all these random moments, little memories and fragments of time and its all very promising but its still leaving me incomplete. All I have are these...emotions. I can't seem to place them with any of my memories so far."

Holly fought the urge to hug her struggling friend, knowing that he'd shut down if he felt he was being pitied. And that would get them all exactly nowhere, instead she nodded and urged him to continue.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I have a vague sense of who I am, enough to know how to act in front of you and my family. I don't remember a lot of time spent with my parents or the twins but I do feel that they are a part of me. It's just that lately, I've been starting to remember some of my childhood and it's...disturbing."

Holly shifted in her seat, obviously a little uncomfortable. Artemis had never really spoken of his past with her beyond the Fowl siege. Due to his abrasive behavior upon being asked she never thought to push the subject. She had always just suspected that his life had been normal, if not better than most until the disappearance of his father. She knew about his mother's illness of course but Artemis had always changed the subject when asked about his life prior to those events. He would, of course, talk about the numerous awards he'd won at an early age for music and art, showcasing his genius, but it was as if he was trying to cover up some shameful act by redirecting the light onto his achievements. Holly had never realized it before, he had been so good at negating and manipulating the conversation that it seemed natural. But in this altered state, unencumbered by past memories of distrust and secrecy, Artemis was as close to genuine as Holly had ever seen him. He retained his genius and a good amount of sophistication but she could see his confusion and distress clearly. It was bizarre, looking at Artemis Fowl and seeing the boy for what he was.

"Artemis, you can tell me anything. I'm not judging you. Trust me, please?"

The boy looked at his friend, dropping what little facade he was maintaining. He looked relieved at her words but a great deal more distressed at the memories he was replaying in his mind.

Holly's heart jumped a bit, and immediately she felt guilty over her excitement. She grasped the gravity of the situation but it was just so rare that Artemis ever let someone in or told them the truth of how he was feeling that this little exchange was akin to winning the lottery. What with his vulnerable state, the timing was impeccable, and if she played her cards right she'd gain an insight into the enigma that was her best friend. Holly blinked at her own thought process.

_'Gods, hes beginning to rub off on me'_

"Have I ever mentioned any of this to you before?" The boy was gauging just how much information the elf already had, his gaze wary.

Catching his hesitation she answered him nonchalantly, vying for control of the situation, she nodded. "You've shared a lot with me over the years Arty, you've spoken of your childhood rarely but you always promised me that you'd tell me the whole story once we had some time together outside of saving the world." She smiled up at him despite the lie weighing heavy in her mouth. _'It's for his own good'_ she rationalized.

He seemed satisfied enough with this answer to continue. "Well, I remember my mother's...illness, that surfaced first."

Holly noticed Artemis' odd inflection and filed it away to ask about later, not wanting to interrupt, fearing that he'd think better of releasing the information. Holly had shifted to the end of her seat, sitting forward with her hands clasped in front of her, knuckles whitening. Her gaze was intense but concerned.

Artemis noticed her posturing and came to a conclusion. "Holly, I know I never told you any of this. You look like your about to watch me drown a litter of kittens and your attempting to figure out how to knock me out without alerting Butler."

Holly's eyes widened a bit and she slowly slid back in her seat, mentally cursing her display of eagerness. She sighed, crossing her arms. "So I guess your just gonna keep it all bottled up then, right? I knew I was hoping for too much. You're never going to heal if you don't let yourself be a _person _Artemis. Don't you understand that?" She looked at him with a mixture of agitation and pleading, it was the kind of anger reserved for ones close friends when they were being impossible. Holly resisted the urge to reach out and shake the boy.

Artemis winced at her bitter tone and continued. "But I realize that if I wait for the rest of my memories to surface before I tell you I'd be hindering this process and...a part of me that I know I will dismiss once I am myself again, realizes that I...really need to tell someone about this."

The elf was more than a little surprised to hear this and took his hand once again, squeezing in reassurance, elated to not have lost her chance. "You're the smartest person I know Arty, you should really take your own advice."

He gave her a halfhearted smile and squeezed back, he looked down at his duvet and then over to the sleeping man on the other side of the room, his eyes lingering for a few moments. Something Holly couldn't identify moved behind her friends eyes, deepening the blue. Was it fear?

Finally he spoke. "He can't know, Holly."

The weight behind Artemis' words made her skin prickle, suddenly she was nervous. She had expected the boy's life long companion to have been present for this event. If Butler wasn't there and Artemis didn't want him to know that meant that it would obviously garner a rather violent reaction from his body guard. Whatever happened to Artemis...it was a carefully guarded secret.

"Wait." She held up a hand. "Your telling me Butler wasn't there for whatever this is? I thought it was his job to stalk you."

"Not when my Father specifically instructs him to stand down."

Holly's eyes widened. "Did your father...did he hurt you?"

Artemis quickly shook his head. "No, no. It was nothing so forthcoming. And Butler would have intervened if that were the case, orders or no he would never have let that happen."

The elf's expression turned from shock to confusion. "Then what happened Arty? You can tell me, it stays between us."

Artemis looked her dead in the eyes and something there flashed dangerously. "I know." He said it with such an air of finality that it almost sounded like a threat. Holly was just beginning to rethink this whole situation but Artemis chose that moment to speak, sensing her unease.

"I don't want to alter your perception of my father, he has become an upstanding, if not noble, man and I'm not sure if he even recalls most of what I'm about to tell you. Back in the Arctic, when I told you that the thought of harming another being was repulsive to my father...I was lying. My father has never killed with his own hands but he has been the indirect cause of death to more than a few men."

"You remember that?" asked Holly, sounding relieved despite this new information.

"Yes, I recalled my father's rescue a few days ago, which was the prompting of these other memories." He paused, searching Holly's expression at his admittance of the lie. She seemed on edge but not particularly wrathful.

"What I told you back then was not entirely a lie...he would never harm an innocent person, nor a woman or child. But unfortunately, being the kingpin of a criminal empire does come with its casualties...not that that excuses what he did. I merely mean to say that it is basically how you ascend to the top and maintain power. You have to remove any obstacles placed in your way, it is imperative that you are feared." As he spoke his eyes became glassy as he recited the conversation he'd had with his father all those years ago, his expression was an almost impossible cross between admiration and shame.

"Artemis, tell me what he did." Holly's voice was low, threatening. But when Artemis looked up at his friend he knew her anger was not directed at him.

Artemis lowered his voice to a whisper, wary of his bodyguard's presence on the other side of the room.

He rung his hands together, something Holly had only ever seen him do when he was stricken with Atlantis Complex. What he said next sent a chill like a dagger made of ice right through her chest.

"I watched him kill people, Holly. I watched them die." His voice was so low now that she almost asked him to repeat himself. Everything around them seemed to get louder, the clock ticking away was deafening. Artemis didn't look at Holly again until he was finished, when she squeezed his hand again he didn't respond. She knew he had gone somewhere that she couldn't follow, into a nightmare world of blood and fear.

Being a LEPrecon officer, she had of course, watched more than a few people meet their end. But she had been an adult and even though the deaths took their toll on her, she had friends to turn to, she had people around her that had experienced the same. She was not alone in her grieving and even if she didn't take advantage of those around her, the knowledge that she could if she wanted to was comforting. But Artemis had been just a child, yes he was a genius and it's typical to think of him as much older than his physical age because of that fact but his genius, in this situation at least, was probably the worst variable. He had the intelligence to understand and process the violence occurring in front of him but none of the emotional mechanisms to properly handle any of the information his mind was analyzing before he could stop it. And being that he had a photographic memory was just another gift turned curse in the equation. On top of all of that, thanks to his father, he had absolutely no one to turn to.

"It happened twice." Artemis took a breath and continued, his eyes like distant moons reflecting back. "The first one...was the worst. He forced me to watch as his 'business partner' electrocuted this man to death...God, he couldn't have been much older than thirty...I tried to look away but he wouldn't allow it." His voice began to rise as some part of him that had died that day was voiced, forgetting himself he began to visibly tremble.

Holly didn't dare move. Her heart beat so viciously that it was actually shaking her vision.

"It took him more than twenty minutes to die Holly, twenty minutes...screaming, the whole time. I tried to tell them to stop but they wouldn't listen. So I...I tried to intervene...but I just ended up electrocuting myself." He shook his head at his own actions. "I shouldn't have done anything, I should have just let them finish...If I hadn't interrupted..." He swallowed hard, staring at his own hands. He took several breathes to collect his thoughts and forged on.

"After it was done...they cut his body into pieces. It was one of the only times my father had ever picked me up, so I could get a better look at the man they were _dismembering_." He shook his head, spitting the words. "People say that burning flesh is the most revolting thing you can smell...but have you ever smelled flesh that has been dissolved by acid?" He stared into nothing, his voice trembling furiously. His mind was filled with the image of a vat swirling with the disintegrated remains of a nameless man, dead only minutes before. His fathers hit man removing each massacred limb from the metal slab, slick with blackening blood, and dropping each almost merrily into the vat. He recalled the hissing of the acid as it ate away the flesh from bone, the man's eyes streaming from their sockets in oily bubbles. At one point the deranged man had taken what was left of the dead man's femur and used the pointed end to skim a bit of dissolving skin and hair from the top of the mass, waving it in the young boy's face and laughing. Artemis tried desperately to back pedal but was met with the concrete wall. Artemis' insides twisted, he leaned over the bed and wretched violently onto the area rug below.

When Artemis was done he leaned forward and held his head in his hands. Slowly he looked over at Holly. She was staring at him, disturbingly silent. She was clenching her fists so hard that her hands were turning bright red.

Artemis looked at her pleadingly. "Please understand Holly, he didn't realize what he was doing."

The explanation sounded as fickle to Artemis as it did to Holly but the boy had an overwhelming need to protect his father, despite what he had done.

A noise from across the room startled both of them, sending Holly's hands flying to her mouth. Artemis visibly flinched at the sight of Butler, awake. He was sitting up on his cot, there was no way to tell how long he'd been listening. One question confirmed Artemis' worst fears.

"When?" the word hung heavy in the air. Butlers eyes were hard as he waited for a response.

For perhaps only the third time in his whole life, Artemis could not bring himself to speak.

Butler crossed the room and sat on his charges bed. "Artemis, tell me when this happened, right now."

For a moment Artemis felt like he was five again, being scolded for dissecting a dead bird he'd found in the back yard with a kitchen knife. He shook his head at the man. Butler leaned forward and took the boy's face in his hands, trying to reach him.

"Artemis, tell me." His voice shook with the effort of restraining his rage.

With surprising speed, Artemis pushed the hands away and sprung to his feet, reaching the door much more quickly and effortlessly than Butler had ever seen him move, but the man was faster and caught his wrist before he could flea. Pulling Artemis around to face him he grabbed him by the shoulders and gave him a good shake to bring him to his senses. Artemis had never looked more like a deer in headlights, his eyes wide.

Butler's words were a warning. "Tell me, now." He was squeezing harder than he meant to.

In the voice of a child, Artemis answered. "The first time, I was seven."

Butler promptly let go, stepping away from Artemis as if the boy had shocked him.

"The..the _first _time?" He looked at his charge incredulously. "How many times did this happen?" Artemis noted that he must have woken towards the end of his retelling.

"Twice."

"Where was I when this was going on?"

"Please, old friend, this isn't your fault. You couldn't have-" Butler cut him off.

"It's my job to protect you! Of course it's my fault, why didn't you come to me? Why didn't you tell me about this so I could help you?" The man's voice was strained, on the verge of breaking.

"Father forbade me to speak of it ever again. He told me that if I told anyone that he would have to send me away, that I would be ruining our family and he would never trust me again."

Butler stared at him for a few moments, searching his charges face, unable to accept this horrendous truth. "All this time..." he breathed. "All this time and I never knew...no wonder..." He didn't finish his sentence but Artemis knew what he meant.

_No wonder you're so fucked up in the head._

Artemis jerked away from him as if it had been said out loud. Butler recognized the movement and tried again to grab for him. "No, Artemis. Your not running from this. Your not going to just shut me out and pretend like it never happened. What your father...that _bastard_ did to you was-" But Artemis cut him off, whirling around pointing a finger at the man.

"Don't you ever speak of my Father that way again, he's not that person anymore. And don't you dare attempt to confront him about this. I don't think he remembers it and I'd like to keep the past where it belongs." His voice was level but there was a redness creeping into his eyes that betrayed him.

"Artemis, listen to yourself. That's not something you can just forgive and move on from, it's not fair to you that he just gets to forget. He's never been fair to you."

Holly interjected, finally finding her voice. "Artemis, Butler's right. I know you're a genius and everything but you need to come to terms with this instead of just burying it under mountains of rationalization. It was NOT okay, what he did, no matter what you think he was trying to do for you. You need to admit that."

Artemis' pale features were tinged red with growing frustration. Against his best efforts he began to shout. "He was trying to prepare me for the life I had been born into! What was he supposed to do? Just let me figure it out on my own?"

Holly raised her voice to match his. "He was supposed to protect you! He's your father, he was supposed to love you...not..not purposely scar you for life by forcing you to watch him kill someone just to fulfill his own demented need for you to be some kind of...of..." She trailed off, unable to find the right word. Though Artemis was sure he knew exactly what she meant. "That's just not what a father does Artemis!" Flustered, she threw her hands into the air.

"Well that's what mine did, Holly!" His voice was raw with an emotion he couldn't remember ever expressing aloud. "That's what he gave me." He laughed harshly, his eyes red rimmed. "The twins don't have to beg for his attention, he spends every waking moment with them. He loves _them._ It's too late for me."

He smiled bitterly and shook his head. "You know what the most maddening part of it is? I tried so hard to make him proud of me but he never noticed, and when he disappeared I knew it was my chance. In his absence I became the son he'd always dreamed of. When he woke up after we rescued him, I was so excited to show him what I'd done, how I'd maintained the Fowl fortune just like he had always taught me. I was so certain that I would finally get his attention, that I'd be important enough to look at for five seconds. And then all of the sudden..." He trailed off, shrugging in an 'oh-well-what-can-you-do?' manner. The gesture contained a lightness that didn't do the situation justice.

He looked down and when he spoke again it was in a very small voice. "All of the sudden, it just so happened, that was no longer what he wanted."

Holly and Butler were stunned into silence. Artemis had never spoken this way before. Holly took a tentative step forward, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Artemis...I never knew..." She reached out to take his hand but he moved away. "I'm sorry." The words were inadequate, she knew that, but she didn't know what else to say. There was nothing she could say to the child who had been ignored and terrified, keeping this secret his whole life.

Artemis gave her a genuine apologetic smile, dialing back his bitterness at the concerned tone of his friend. "Don't be, there's nothing anyone can do now. What's done is done."

Butler and Holly glanced at each other, unsure of what to do next. A figure in the doorway broke the silence, making Holly jump.

"What's going on up here, is everything okay?" Angeline's concerned gaze traveled the room, finally settling on her eldest son.

"Everything is fine mother, we were just talking."

Angeline was unconvinced, she could sense the tension in the room, like a physical weight. "Are you sure? It sounded like you were shouting, Arty."

"No, no. Everything is fine. I'm just...frustrated. Butler and Holly are taking good care of me though, don't worry about it."

Angeline gave her son a searching look but she relented. She knew that if Artemis didn't want her to know something there was no sense in trying to figure it out, she'd just have to wait until he was ready to talk. "Okay, well you know you can come to me or your father if you need to talk, right?"

The boy nodded. "I know that."

"Good." Her voice was gentle. "Well, brunch is ready if you three would like to join us, the twins have been asking to see their big brother all day." She finished, her eyes lighting up.

He smiled warmly at her and nodded once more, she bowed her head slightly in return and retreated down the hallway.

As soon as Angeline was out of sight Artemis allowed his spine to slacken, releasing some of the tension in his stance. Holly, having recently decided to take advantage of Artemis' temporary openness, couldn't help but comment. She looked to her friend, concern and a hint of amusement etched in her features.

"You really try for them don't you?"

"What do you mean?" Though the boy already knew.

Holly rolled her eyes at his feigned ignorance and gestured to the now empty doorway. "Your parents, your brothers, even Butler." The man nodded in agreement. "It's like your always on stage, putting on some sort of show. It needs to stop, no one questions that you love your family Arty, and you want to protect them but you need protection too. You need to allow yourself to be who you are in front of them. You're always on guard, pretending."

Artemis looked directly into Holly's eyes and for a second she could see the hesitance there, the fear hovering just beneath the steely blue. And then it was gone, he raised his head a bit to make sure she was aware that he was unaffected by her speech, adapting an air of smugness, though it lacked some of its usual potency.

"My family knows as much as they need to know and I am perfectly capable of letting my guard down around them. After all we have been through I simply choose to make certain that they are not burdened by my own state of affairs."

The elf let out a puff of air, something between a sigh and a scoff. "Trust me, they are more disturbed by your lack of emotion than they would be if you would just be genuine. And you could start by not talking about them as if you're at a press conference."

But there was an unspoken truth to what Artemis had said and Holly knew it. Artemis was complicated, that couldn't be debated. But if he really was to be open and vulnerable with his family it would be too much for them. He had always fared on his own, he'd been making his own life decisions from the age of ten and even before the first tragedy of his life struck, his parents never truly bothered with raising him. So to let them in now, after all these years of secrets and carefully orchestrated half truths, would be pointless.

Artemis had always had a sneaking suspicion that this was the way they preferred it anyway. After years of isolation it was too much work and pain to get close to their son. He was practically a stranger. He had no doubt that at the very least his mother loved him, as she always had. But not in the same way that she loved the twins, not the way she'd loved him before his father's disappearance. And with each of his own disappearances that bond dwindled more and more. Until eventually it got to be the way it is now.

His parents had returned three days early and their arrival had startled Butler and Holly enough to just want to get it over with. When Butler had practically pulled Angeline into her son's bedroom, where he lay awake, confused but alive. He hadn't known it then but as his memories surfaced one by one, the realization had dawned on him. She stood in the doorway, the sight of him had knocked the breath from her lungs, she clapped a hand over her mouth to keep herself from screaming. Her eyes were not the eyes of a mother whose son had turned up alive despite his funeral. She didn't say a word to him but lingered for several moments, regarding him almost fearfully and then turned her back stiffly and climbed the stairs back to her bedroom.

In his absence, she'd let him go.

After years of grief she must have learned to loosen her grip on him and when he'd passed, body present and all, it must have been almost a relief to finally end the struggle to hold on to a son that she neither understood nor could control. Despite all the sense that this made, it still left Artemis with a hollow ache in his chest whenever he thought too much about it.

"What is it Arty?" Holly's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. "You look like someone died."

"It's nothing." He gave a weak smile but he could tell she wasn't convinced.

The elf rolled her eyes and grabbed his tie, pulling him forward and out of the room. "We'll have that discussion later, for now lets get to brunch before Angeline kills all of us."

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Please tell me what you think, I'd love some constructive criticism or even just suggestions. The faster you guys review the faster the next chapter will be posted!

I tried to keep everyone in character for that intense scene, so I hope I accomplished that XD


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